Healing Through Knowledge
Healing is the process to make sound or healthy again. I’ve read a book called, “The Blackman’s Guide to Understanding the Blackwoman” written by Shahrazad Ali. Clearly, the book is targeted towards men but it is something that women should be reading as well. I never realized the generational psychological factors, stress and damage slavery caused between Black men and women. The healing will not take place overnight.
Healing is to Confess
With childhood trauma, denial, low self-esteem and immaturity I lost someone I never thought I could lose. I suppose I didn’t “lose” them as much as I abandoned them. Horrible memories, unresolved pain, and childlike behavior finally went too damn far. Sometimes you aren’t always granted the opportunity to be a better person today than you were yesterday. I stopped looking in the mirror and chose to live life “day-by-day”. No plan. No blueprint. Nothing to follow. I assumed that one day I would wake up and “it would all make sense”.
Healing is to Take Responsibility
Instead, the complete fucking opposite happened. I woke up to nothing. No one. After 25 years I finally feel responsible – for myself. Maybe I did use my family as a crutch. Perhaps I blamed my now ex-boyfriend for being in prison for the last five years. I like to believe I hadn’t excelled in life because I bought into what the white American societal structure has brainwashed us to believe. About life. About love.
Healing is to Reveal
Through reading this book I have decided that to heal myself and, hopefully, other Black women that I show who I am. In order to do that I must critically examine where I come from, what I’ve been through, the relationships I have fostered and where I hope to go. Writing is highly therapeutic to me as I am a better writer than speaker. I aspire, through every upcoming entry, to remedy more than just myself. I don’t know where on the internet these posts will circulate but whilst I heal I hope to inspire.
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