For The Next Time a Black Man says, “You’re Too Strong”

You Are Not “Too” Strong 

He is “too” weak – mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Dare I say financially? Fuck it.

He’s just all around broke. Broken.

Still trying to make sense of all his scattered shards that all he’s collected is doubt and pity. For the feeble man, you will always be “too” strong.

“All you women…All you [BLACK] women!”

Oh boy, here it comes! The moment we have all been waiting for! Blame the very existence of Black women for your trials and tribulations. Stop comparing yourself to the pale man who steals, kills and destroys. You aren’t him and I ain’t her.

How dare you slander her, Black man?! She who has remained steadfast and diligent as she watched this strange white man steal her children, kill her husband and destroy her virtue? She earned the right to be strong.

You say you want a hardworking strong woman but you do not! A woman who cooks and cleans; fulfills your sexual desires and works outside the home. You insecurities won’t allow you to love her.

You, sir — don’t cook, clean, pay taxes nor feed my appetite and yet I’m still here.

Technically you’re still here because this Sistah ain’t going nowhere.

[That’s my name on the mailbox, brother]

Yet you feel you should be rewarded for taking out the trash?

How are you comfortable pointing out my flaws and stressing your likes whilst lying on my couch; drinking my Scotch, watching my Netflix!

No; I will not chill!

You got clothes in my closet, my keys in your pocket, his half of my bed — but, hold up! “Lemme hold $20”, the man said. You work hard at running your mouth and the streets then walk through my doors talmbout, “what you got to eat?”

When a black man condemns a Black woman he disgraces Yah resulting in complete failure and disasters. Keep playing this white man’s game and your black ass gon lose.

Sit down. Be Humble.

By: Brittney Smith
Photo Cred: fromawildflower.com

Black Women Issues

“Black Women Issues”

Black women

in

AmeriKKKa

are living a life

no one asks for

or

wants.

Black women’s 

issue

will have

me

on the brink

of suicide.

Will they miss me when I’m gone?

Perhaps say, “so long”?

College costs.

Can’t save

a dollar for my life.

Overfed.

Under-loved.

Taxed

with no Rep.

BLACK WOMAN

the #1 Vet.

Self-medicated.

THC.

Whiskey.

“When did you start drinking like this?”

a

BLACK WOMAN

dedicated to the life

a strong

BLACK WOMAN

often perceived

as an angry

BLACK WOMAN.

The eldest,

a daughter,

college-educated,

without a college degree.

Guns –

Sex –

Drugs –

Shall I

justify my thug?

Can I live?

Potential suitors

turned prisoners.

Dead end jobs

similar

to

slave labor.

THC & Whiskey are coping mechanisms.

Does it

make

sense now?

It doesn’t.

Allow me

to reintroduce

myself:

I am

a

BLACK WOMAN

with issues.

Can’t drink

enough

to stay

sleep.

Can’t smoke

enough

to stay

high.

Systematic

prepackaged

damage.

Fuck it —

unpack

the baggage…

Ready, set, Go!

By: Brittney Smith

Photo Cred: giphy.com & beatnik24.com

Brock Turner: We Are “More Than A Number”

Brock Turner, a Stanford University swimmer, was convicted of raping an unconscious woman on campus. Since athletes love statistics let’s talk numbers. Women are more than a number.

33% of girls are molested before the age of eighteen.

This is the time in her life where she should be young, care-free and fantasizing about being prom queen; watching reality shows and rocking the hottest clothes, not being taken advantage of by someone she knows.

1/3 of those cases involve children under twelve; babies who don’t quite understand what’s happening or big enough to shield themselves. Instead of enjoying their childhood and cavorting in the park they are now afraid of any and everything that goes bump in the dark. Ever wonder how many hold this confidential information – we’ll never know it because 65% of these cases go unreported. But to give you a hint 1 in every 4 girls is the noted statistic.

And much the same, 1 in every 4 women will experience domestic violence;

insecurities and frustrations being mourned in silence. Raised voices bring trepidation and you have nowhere to turn; fire in his eyes while he sits and watches you burn. 1 in every 5 teens gets told the “I hit you because I love you” lie. Well, I’m here to tell you that ain’t shit to love nor is it charming to have a black eye. People, places, and organizations exist to offer a safe environment but where are they when 3 women die every day due to domestic violence?

Every 2 minutes someone in the United States is raped and that’s probably because the U.S. has the world’s highest rape rate. This is not something to go gloating about but this a message that we have to stop ignoring and doing without. 1 out of every 4 women in college will be raped. So when it used to be all about B.A.’s and PhD’s it’s now become getting d-r-a-i-n-e-d off liquor and GHB. We maintain a society where men still prevail because 15 out of 16 rapists will never spend a day in jail. 18.8% of rape victims are black women – we get sought out for our hips and thighs and how they fit in our denim.

Women and young ladies who bear hardship to those exploitations are:

3 times more likely to suffer from depression; 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide

6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress; 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol and 26 times more likely to abuse drugs. 90% of abusers know the victim that much is a guarantee and is case you disagree allow me to introduce you to me: at age 8 is was the older boy from across the hall, when I was 17 it was the bad boy who was so smooth he made me fall and at 18 – the boy that I didn’t really know at all.

You don’t know what kinds of survivors exist among you and we’re never supposed to talk about it because apparently, the topic is too taboo so something has to change because those experiences are horrendous to live through…but I’m just one person with one voice and one story that needed to be introduced with the optimism that my experiences won’t be reduced. It doesn’t characterize who I am nor does it station me beneath another. But for those who stand parallel to me – we are not victims who drown in our misfortunes, charity cases that require pity or statistics because the last time I checked I wasn’t a fucking number. We are human beings, diamonds, and exquisite pearls.

We are women – who rule the world.

By: Brittney Smith

Audio is Available – Press Play!

Photo Cred: insider.foxnews.com

“Ssh…be quiet”

Ssh…be quiet

I can hear your feet drag across the floor; hear the door close from you checking the closet. I remember when I first met you. I was out Christmas shopping. The way you stood before me with pure confidence, striking poise and shoulders that would’ve even made the Gods jealous.

I was so mesmerized by the way you would say my name, hold my hand and at night – showed me how much you cared. I would lie in your arms and imagine our entire lives together. The house, the cars, the money and of course the kids, so many kids – but what I could never imagine was this…

Ssh…be quiet

Each stride you take up the stairs feels like a gun being shot in my eardrums I’ve never heard a sound so loud…I could never imagine the manipulations, the limitations, screaming contests, broken dishes, holes in the wall – the power.

…We grew up together. He was the first boy I’d ever kissed; we went to homecoming together – Prom. We even sat next to each other at graduation. If it hadn’t been for college we would still be together. If only I hadn’t been so eager to leave our small town then maybe – just maybe I wouldn’t have met you.

Ssh…be quiet

You open our daughter’s room! You have the audacity to think that I would put her in any form of danger? Leave her sleeping peacefully disconnected from this somber place she calls home.

….I remember the first time it happened. It was our anniversary and we had yet another one of our infamous blow ups. You told me that I would be nothing without you and that without you I wouldn’t be draped in such exquisite gems and couture garments. I vowed to never ask you for anything ever again and as I proceeded to remove the one thing that held us together, I felt the burning sting being planted on my cheek.

A sense of disbelief poured over me as the blood drained from my face. I told you I was leaving and never coming back, taking our daughter to go on and start a new life without you. It was in that moment that you looked so childlike and my motherly instincts kicked into high gear. I had to be there for you. You promised to never do it again. You gave me your word. You. 

Ssh…be quiet

You closed her door and, again, drag your feet ever so slowly calling my name. I’ve never been so intimidated in my life.

He came over earlier today to accompany me for my birthday – an intimate moment you stopped celebrating years ago. As the blended poison flowed through my body I expressed to him how I missed his touch, that I missed being back home – it’s been too long since I’ve last seen him and how if I could I would make a different decision. I hadn’t felt that loved in such a long time. He pulled me close; I inhaled his scent and in you walked…

Ssh…be quiet

I can hear you open the door to our bedroom; my heart begins to pound so violently that I feel a hole forming in my chest. I’m aware of my fate before it even happens. The look of death in your eyes, the vein protruding from your temples, the way your mouth is half-open as if you were breathing in my soul…You beat him away so bad to the point that his body would never be recognized. It was in that moment that I proceeded to hide and grab my only way out, now I sit in this closet…

waiting.

Ssh…be quiet

My mind is filled with so many thoughts. How much I hate you, how much I need you, how much I love you. The voices in my head get louder and louder and I feel like they are screaming at me – you are screaming at me – making a mockery of me.

What happened to me?

I am not this woman.

This doesn’t happen to women like me.

I’m smart, sophisticated, attractive.

This is not what I imagined us to be.

The clinking sound of your belt coming off indicates that this will be one of if not the worst but it most definitely be my last. You walk slowly across the room to the closet where I am hiding and I know that it is all over.

Ssh…be quiet

I can see the shadows of your feet standing outside the door.

How did it come to this?

We used to be so happy, you and me – and it suddenly all went away.

But as I hold this steel in my hands, “be quiet” is what I tell myself. Stop thinking, everything will be over soon, there’s nothing more that can be done to me. I won’t give you the satisfaction of taking away my last breath. My pride won’t let you do that for I must do it myself.

The door has opened and I know that my life is over, but as these tears fall from my face and trail themselves down to my bosom, tell My daughter

I love her…

But mommy just couldn’t be strong anymore – my brain has stopped functioning, my heart is black and my soul is dead because I no longer love the way you lie…

Bang.

By: Brittney Smith

Audio is Available – Press Play!

Photo Cred: giphy.com

Memories

Memories

I remember when I met you and I’ll never forget that day. Forever in my memories.

Of all the events that occurred meeting you was never supposed to take place.

I was reluctant at first but I’d been parched for so long, y’all I needed to quench my thirst.

You promised if I had patience and stayed with you then things would work out for us both.

But this was only the first lie you would tell as time would later show.

We would go to your mom’s job 2-3 times a week and somehow I’d never met her.

Now I’m dropping you off at work, but you ain’t got no money – so do you actually live in this shelter?

And if you do that’s fine but why do you feel the need to always fucking lie?

Today you claimed to see your son but you just said a while ago you and your baby momma wasn’t talking cause she was on one. Why are you lying to me?

I look back on all the times we spent together, jogging my memory for anything real and I can’t find shit so I’m just wondering what was the deal…

So whenever, if ever, someone asks me about you: I’ll say, I don’t have any words for a person I don’t know although I have memories for the one I thought I once knew.

By: Brittney Smith

Audio is Available – Press Play!

Photo Cred: litairian.com

Know Yourself

Know Yourself

I once spent every day with a man who made me second guess myself. Subconscious screaming Know Yourself!

Yesterday was my last day. An impostor actually (because MEN don’t act this way) who would fly into a rage over what I said or didn’t say – about what I did or didn’t do.

After our first major argument, he’s the one who shouted, “fuck you”.

Yet an hour later he apologized and was back in my arms; looking down at him like, ‘who are you?’

Thinking to myself the question is: bitch – who you?

Every day we yelling just to reconcile. Chile

Next thing you know I’m locking him out and he’s breaking down doors putting holes in the walls…

Y’all –

I took this man to meet my family, introduced him to my business and yet I never knew where he laid his head.

He never had money but was always hungry and in need of a high but rarely ever had 5 to put on it.

I even got the nigga a bus pass…shit – I financed that ass.

This man was so intriguing thought that I allowed for his behavior to continue.

He taught me the true meaning of deception for when he smiled I wasn’t sure it was to attract or warn.

A couple of times I had to treat his life but who cared when he was under the impression that my bark was far stronger than my bite; until…

He called me:

a stupidassbitch.

Bitch? Maybe.

But a stupid ass one? Nah.

I know myself better than another and I’m certainly worth than this motherfucka could eva fathom.

His loss, though – never mine.

The point of all this: don’t break the mirror if you can’t stand the reflection.

That’s a lifetime of bad luck.

By: Brittney Smith

Audio is Available – Press Play!

Photo Cred: audiomack.com

Lord Knows

My mother informed me of an event this past Friday that took place today in which she low-key volunteered me to perform. Lord Knows I had less than 48 hours to write, edit, rewrite again and memorize this. I hope you all enjoy it

LORD KNOWS

And so it seems: whenever we choose to seek power – unsustainable events come to devour.

Lord Knows I wanna try again tomorrow for just another chance to change my circumstance-s.

I fall short every day – finding solace in whatever which way.

Having been baptized but never filled – tryna walk the right way, I don’t have the skills.

Because religion ain’t enough; the power to resist, now, that’s the tough stuff.

Salvation comes by faith through grace and it seems my mustard seed somehow got misplaced.

But it’s ironic whenever we seek guidance; there’s typically now a virus and we’re frightened – shouting to the heavens for an alliance.

But beware – because the same hand that covers also convicts…

Which is why I shall remain focused and fixed

Distinguishing the differences between an unclean spirit.

Lord Knows I’ve been tested – for he was the one who administrated it.

But I gotta stay invested and committed because no past it too dark for redemption to not cover it

So take the word and stand on something solid

I’m not yet ready to die for it because I’m still tryna to figure out what it means to be alive for it.

So are you strong enough for God or is God strong enough for you?

By: Brittney Smith

_________________

{I was told that the sound doesn’t carry good sound so there is an audio-only option above}

Photo Cred: giphy.com

The Games That Play Us

My heart and life are vacant but my bed never fails to be occupied;

he gets down, I turn to my side with his arms around me – a nice secure blanket woven out of lies.

Where is my pride, self-respect, and integrity?

Every day I remind myself that I a strong black woman and to stop letting these men get the best of me;

but these are cycles that have traveled down throughout my family tree

Endless stories I’ve heard of how men have mentally destroyed so many of my aunties

Listening passionately while they lecture that that’s not how love is supposed to be;

vowing as a child that this woman will never be me.

And yet…here I lay trying to break free

Stressed out and upset that I can’t find my King

Someone who can deliver mentally, emotionally, financially and physically. He can stimulate me, be intimate with me and show me new things.

Like damn – where is he?

Which path is right when you don’t even know where to start?

Can a sistah get a flashlight, a compass and a map where ‘X’ marks the spot?

Cause my eyes hurt from looking in the dark and my feet are tired of walking in the direction of a broken heart…

but how many frogs do I have to kiss before I become just another basic bitch?

How many heartbreaks is it gonna take for me to see that they can’t all be my prince?

Tired ass n*ggasthat serve game with a side of bullshit, cum quick, talk out the side of their necks and think with the head attached to they dick?

As I ease from under him I get into a position so that I can finally sleep with an optimistic heart and a peaceful mind cause see now I’ve realized that the only way I can see my husband is in my dreams because he damn sure ain’t laying next to me.

By: Brittney Smith

Photo cred: giphy.com

Where Are You Now When I Need You??

Nightfall is always the most melancholic time of day. It’s when I think about you.

And I know that you think of me, too. But do I keep you up at night?

I sense you everywhere except inside – you’re nowhere in sight.

I can’t sleep and honestly, I’m not surprised

Without you alongside I hardly feel alive.

Distant peers have become parents – husband’s & wives.

Shit, I’m not asking for all that; just to forever be in each other’s lives

Too inexperienced to be tormented over a half-empty bed

and yet, far too rational for such clutter to be in my head.

See, I know that you love me – it’s already been laid out on the table.

No fable.

True story, my dear.

…but just what the f*ck am I supposed to do until you can come here

and be incessantly near?

(12:59 AM)

Photo Cred: giphy.com

Invisible In Plain Sight

“Pretty Hurts” – Beyoncé.

 

Yesterday, I came across the photo below through Instagram. I agree 100% because I know a lot of women working that 9-5 just to stay alive, barely got enough to fill your gas tank, buy swishers and trying to pass finals. Yet, when you sign into the gram you see these chicks rolling in the dough for simply being “pretty“.

We have all seen these women on our timelines; the Westbrook sisters, Aleeyah Petty, Lira Galore, Kylie Jenner. These beautiful “models” are living a pretty convenient life, right? They are literally E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E; hosting at nightclubs, spokes-models for clothing lines and appearing in music videos with rap superstars. Some of the most seen women are also invisible.

I’m a firm believer that when and if you allow your sister, daughter or friend to sleep with certain types of men, be seen with certain types of people, you do not love them nor truly care for the nurturing and well-being of their soul. You a pimp, homie.

I am frigging gorgeous but my reputation, self-respect, and integrity are worth more than any Gucci, Louis, Fendi or Prada – basic bitches wear that shit anyway. Maybe it’s just me?

“Invisible in Plain Sight”

Short skirts, tight shirts, padded bras revealing thongs – emotionally overspent on love, instead cashing in sex for free. Foundation, concealer, mascara packed on strong – press down the pain, conceal the hurt, waterproof the tears – don’t you agree? Golden crowned extensions, body parts augmented, the “fairer the better”, body right for the best price, shunning lips that swell…

Berkin Bags, Minolo Blahniks, Red Bottoms, Chanel sweaters – the devil disguised in Prada as a single, black female addicted to retail….and, well —-

By Brittney Smith

 

Photo Cred: Instagram-everyday696 & giphy.com

10 Things I Want to Say to a Black Man

 

10 Things I Want to Say to a Black Man

  1. Black Man; You are the most ingenious individual to take presence in the realm of the universe. Take a minute to reflect on what type of world we would be living in had it not been for your theories to correct, develop, innovate, refine and transform the world. The leadership that ripples through your veins is the equivalent to many that came before you. For when I look at you I see the power of your thoughts through your eyes like Martin, I read the dominance in your conscious mind through your smile like Malcolm and I hear the charismatic melody of your words through your soul like Barack.
  2. You are my best friend. You accept me for my puzzled state of mind and concentrate on what makes me incomparable.
  3. I need you to comfort me at times when I don’t know what to do with myself or who I am supposed to be for you. I cherish your confirmation in which your mind, body and soul belong to me. For you to reassure me that at every step in our journey that you are legitimate and that your desire for me is undeniable.
  4. I recognize your battle in which you endure every day in society. However it does not justify your actions. Be able to take your animosity and turn it into something delicate. Being a man does not indicate that you cannot show compassion or makes you less of a person with authority. There is strength in your delivery and there is nothing further you can express to me that would ever make me see you as less than what you are.
  5. Protection is what you mean to me. When I’m alone and have nowhere else to go or no one to turn to – you are there to shield me from the dangers and harm of the outside world. In your arms is where I feel the most sheltered. The potency of your frame and the compassion in your hands gives me everything I need to know that I will be okay.
  6. I commit my body, my heart, my mind and my soul unto you. I give you my life and would be forever grateful if I could have just as much of yours.
  7. I welcome you into my life and will never try to make you more than you are. When are with me I want you to feel as if you can be yourself and never feel like you need to compromise the individual on the interior for the cliché messages of the exterior.
  8. When your body communicates with mine – it’s something like enchanting. The command of your hands, the forcefulness in your thighs and the stamina in your heart keeps the sexual desires between us like no other I’ve ever known. Not another being can deliver the pleasure you give. Your movements take me to a place of euphoria and with every plunge you take inside, I feel our souls intertwine and as I progress into the galaxy of us it is that exact moment in which we become one. As you release yourself into my chambers and place that final kiss across my lips, it is then that you realize that you are at home.
  9. Can you do something for me? Can you promise that you will stop running away from things that you find difficult to deal with? Can you promise that whenever you feel the need to express your thoughts – you will come to me? When things seem to fall apart, address them and examine how you can make the best of the situation. The only feature I ask you do is take responsibility for the actions you construct. When he grows up one day and inquires where you are and why you left, do not make me the antagonist. I can illustrate how to treat a woman but I can never demonstrate for him how to be a man.
  10. The day you looked at me and made your way over as if there was no one else in the room except the two of us and asked me for my name, there was something in your hello that made me catch my breath and take notice of this king before me. When you talked to me your eyes stayed fixed on mine, never wandering over my body but rather trying to find the story within the deep brown that reflected back into yours. After the first date, you walked me to my door in the rain and right before I turned to go inside you grazed my hand and in that touch I felt an electric current that shot bolts from my brain to the bottom of my feet. You put your arms around my waist, I stood on my toes and from the moment our lips first touched – I knew it was love.
Photo Cred:pinterest

#JustWordsTour with JustMike (Mike Reid)

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So some of you know that this past weekend I went to Chicago to perform my poetry with Philly’s very own JustMike and Vision Poet. Let’s just say that it was the best night of my life. It gave so much validation to everything that I am doing in my life. I met and heard amazing poets that have forever changed my existence. One of the reasons I love poetry so much is because there really is no right or wrong way to do it. When a poet puts the pen on the paper it takes a lot of courage. Poetry writing is so personal that sometimes it’s hard to share that with others and performing? Oh please – scariest thing effing ever!  Recapping my personal story, I  quit my day job as a full-time Walgreens manager to pursue my destiny of being a writer. They thought I was crazy and they still think I’m crazy but last night was proof that I am going in the right direction. Because of my experience tonight, I’ve decided to not just limit myself to only writing but to perform full-time. I performed live for the first time and I admit I was nervous but I said a quick prayer and reminded myself that Beyoncé wasn’t built-in a day. If you don’t already, follow @justmike and @visionpoet they are amazing men, people and poets. It’s so much more than just words. Vision called me “Olivia Pope” and if that doesn’t speak for itself…so whoever has Shonda’s contact info: feel free to slide it in my DM’s. BTW: go watch Vision on TV One’s “Verses & Flow” and buy Just Mike’s books: “Just Words” and “More Than Words” for $10.00