Best Thing You Never Had

Okay, well maybe you did “have” me but you don’t no more.

It all started in high school — siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Junior year I crossed a boy in the hallways and then we sat next to each other in History class. I thought he talked too much; handsome, but quite a chatterbox. Then, one day after lunch, I see him holding hands with this girl. She was cute. Simple. However, the hunting lioness in me saw competition determined to best – the best thing you never had.

I Wanted to be His E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

He added me on Facebook first. Then we exchanged numbers. I initiated conversations through text him. I asked questions about his relationship and plans after graduation. School started at 7:30 am and I would wake up early ya’ll to get cute just to walk past his ass. How could I forget the time I found out where he worked that I drove there after school; wrong site. Eventually, I got him. He wasn’t mine but he was there.

Oh, College…

It wasn’t until I moved into a single room dorm that we had our first encounter. It was actually in a car on dim street and it was the first time THEY said MY name. Kudos to Brittney! We started to make time for love sessions in between classes (he went to a different school). We discussed our feelings with each other and how it was always the wrong time: he was with somebody; I was with somebody. Although we both tried it was never right until…

He Asked Me Out!!!

Perfect timing! He’s single! I’m single! Let’s mingle! We planned to meet at the mall for a movie after his shift. At this time it is crucial to point out he also worked in the said mall. I got dressed, snatched, beat — all dat. “Where are you going?” my mother asked. “On a date! Yes, with a man!” Oh, she was so happy for me. I checked my phone one last time before grabbing my coat and I had a message that read: “hey I got off work early so I went home. Let’s reschedule.” Fuck you mean you meant home??? Devastated I lied and told him I was out-of-town when I wasn’t leaving for another 4. How could he?

Call me Mrs.Lawry cause I’m Salty

At this time in my life, I was still very emotional. Sadness, disappointment, embarrassment, and anger flooded me. It also killed my ego. While undressing I began to analyze the situation: the movie starts at 11; mall closes at 10; he got off early at 9. Why not go home, shower and come back, right? How come we couldn’t catch any earlier viewing to accommodate? Was work really that stressful today? Was I not worth the ride back to the mall? I commanded myself not to cry. Instead, I finished packing, laid in my bed, packed a bowl and streamed Nurse Jackie on Netflix.

The Aftermath

We didn’t speak for a long time after that because I couldn’t bring myself to engage. I still have fucking questions! Through mutual friends we would be in the same room talking around each other; it was stupid. He will always be a dear friend of mine; we have memories but it’ll never be the same. We hung out solo a couple times but it’s awkward now. Just this morning he hit me up on Messenger to ask if I were now involved which I am _____. To this day it continues to bother me and I’m not gonna lie — I cried after we finished talking. You folded on a Royal Flush.

#SorrynotSorry.

Photo cred: giphy.com

 

Why Do Women Lie & Say There Are No “Good Men” Left?

WANTED: A single, college-educated male, with a six-figure salary, a home, luxury car, that is visually attractive, muscular, family oriented, honest and good in bed.

There’s not a woman alive that doesn’t have a “Wish List”. Not the wish list that comes with your Target or Macy’s account but a “Man Wish List”. Here lies all the qualifications for your perfect man and you refuse to settle for anything less. Every. Single. Time. you turn around you will hear a woman saying, “It’s not that I can’t find a man but there aren’t any good ones out here”. Lies! Words have power – stop saying that shit!! There are plenty of good men out there!  Perhaps, you girlfriend, are either looking in the wrong places or are too blinded by the wrong things to spot him. Don’t worry – I will get you through this.

First Things First

Ladies, you are doing yourself a disservice thinking with that state of mind. First of all, you’re not perfect – why do you require him? Stop looking for the Knight in Shining Armor because he doesn’t exist and you’re the furthest thing from a Princess. That does not mean you opt for the Pawn simply because the King is unavailable. Instead, focus on what makes the Pawn just as worthy; after the game, the Pawn and King go back into the same box.

Now before you say, “where the hell is the King in a microscopic batch of Pawns” – I know, I know. I’m a Black woman so I know that the cultured, legitimate black male is near the state of endangerment. Far too many are uneducated, unemployed, felons who have used and/or distributed illegal drugs; gay, married or dead.

Don’t Be Basic & Bougie

Ask yourself: Are you name brands only or does the sale rack appeal to you as well? Do you only wear Tom Ford or does the store-wide sale at Old Navy sound good too? That man with an education, career title, salary and 401(k) knows that he is in “serious demand”; he’s thinking, ‘why settle for just Tasha when Keisha, Renée and Michelle are feeling a brother too?’ For every 70 men there are 100 women, so 30 of you are going to be lonely if you choose to only shop at a particular store.

waiting_for_the_perfect_man_10823

I have a beyond beautiful cousin. She and all of her friends have great careers, no children and are very independent. However, they all have profiles on dating sites because they “can’t find men”. Given the women:men ratio, say he didn’t have his Bachelor’s or a Benz. Would it be okay if he drove his Honda to work the 3rd shift at Target? How do you decide what’s on your “Man Wish List” what is more important? That he holds a black card or that he can make you laugh? Every man with a Master’s isn’t family oriented, honest or good in bed. Are you willing to be alone for the rest of your days when you focus more on his decorative packaging and not his soulful content?

The first “Man Wish List” I ever wrote was when I was a teenager – what the hell did I know about relationships and what I needed from a man? Of course, it was a complete and utter disaster. He had to be 6 feet, funny, charismatic, college-bound, car, and oh yes, he must be 17 for “maturity”. BLANK STARE.

You Gon Die Waiting for Prince Charming

Needless to say, I found him, he cheated on me and wasn’t a very nice person. At that moment I realized what was honestly important in finding someone to be with. Ambitious, goal-oriented, intellectual, an immense sense of humor, confident, affectionate and a great listener. That all made him the sexiest man ever regardless if he was closer to my 5’3″ and had a little extra around the middle. It did me no good to have a man who stood 6’3″ at 225 pounds if he didn’t know the difference between  sex and intimacy. It didn’t do me any justice to be with a man who was in a graduate program but had extreme jealousy issues.

My beautiful, single women – don’t ever lower your standards but rather broaden your choice. I mean, really, a nice car is not a standard – it is a preference; that should not always be preferred. Looking for the perfect man? You’ll be perfectly single and have a better chance of locating Waldo.

Wheres-Wally-007

 

Photo cred:www.sheriarowe.com

 

Love Living Single

10 Ways to Love Living Single

50 years ago, our grandmother’s were getting married at the ripe old age of 17 and handing their lives off to their husbands. They never got the opportunity to live for themselves and be phenomenal women. My great-grandmother married at 14 and had a soccer team of children – granted grandma was ultra fly back in her day but she was still a wife and a mother. There was still a husband to entertain and snot-nosed children to tend to.

Ever single woman owns a drop dead gorgeous, sexy, steaming hot freakum dress. When you put this dress on you are the most desirable woman on the planet and you know it, girl! Social Networking apps like “Meet Up” can introduce you local single’s mixers where your dress will have you turning heads and breaking necks. You look hot, you’re a free agent and could get lucky tonight.

Now in 2014, women are stressing themselves out to find the perfect man and live happily ever after with 2.5 kids, a dog named ‘Happy’ and a white picket fence. Don’t give in to society girlfriend: we all want to be married, but there are reasons to enjoy being single and I got 10 ways to help you do it; seriously, live it up; your grandmother would want you to love living single.

Only One Vanity in My Bathroom

Make-up, extensions, and perfume, oh my! Every single gal’s bathroom is a complete and utter disaster but then again, who wants to sacrifice essential counter space for a male counterpart? Your curl wand is where his clippers would be, forget his toothbrush when you just bought the new Sigma contour brush and he better not even think about moving all your soaps and lotions from Victoria Secret’s Semi-Annual Sale

Sex

Have all the sex you want with whoever you like. It ain’t cheating if you ain’t creeping. Facts.

Comfy in My Pj’s

When there is a constant man in your life, we women want to go to bed sexy and sleek every night. Boo! Single women have the freedom to jump into bed with their weaves unwrapped, natural do’s twisted and bonnets on our heads. Every night isn’t a lingerie night but when you’re single you can opt for zip-up pajamas with the feet on them. Doesn’t fleece just make you feel hot and sexy?

Around the World in More than 80 Days

I can’t stress this enough: TRAVEL. See the world through your own eyes so when (and a big IF for some people) that day comes you’ll be cultured which will ultimately keep you grounded. And I know, no one wants to go to a romantic getaway alone but where’s the fun in that? Romance does not need a man. Have a sexy night with yourself. Have so many frequent flier miles that even the air traffic controller knows who you are.

Remotely Controlling the Remote Control

What do married and involved couples fight over the most? It isn’t money. It’s the remote control. When you want to watch the newest episode of Scandal and he’s dying to watch the Superbowl, what are you going to do? Single women don’t have that problem. If you’re like me, you have to tune in every week to see if Jake ever defeats Poppa Pope, catch Sex & the City reruns on E! and binge-watch the Golden Girls which you own on DVD. Single women are watching single woman shows not hunting, sports or Kung-Fu nor are they giving up their Netflix password. If your male friend is ever over and tries to hold your remote hostage, remind him that every Thursday night after Scandal you do indeed watch “How to Get Away with Murder.”

Shop, Shop, Shop

Just a decade ago, women owned and operated over half a million business and there are more black women in college than any other group. Single or not we aren’t relying on men for our finances – we finance ourselves; when you work hard you deserve to ball hard. Every month buy yourself a new pair of sexy panties and once a year get yourself something huge like a new laptop or a pair of diamond earrings.

Neanderthal Woman

There’s no dire need to own a razor. Live natural. Be a wild woman! Braid your pubes!

Major Life Decisions

Are you thinking of switching career paths? Do you want to move across the country? The only person you have to consider and discuss it with is yourself.

Finding Yourself (forget Nemo)

As women, we aren’t taught to take time for ourselves but instead to build families and establish careers. However, what kind of wife can you be when you don’t know what kind of woman you are? What kind of mother can you be when you don’t even know if you want kids? Give yourself time to grow because you have the rest of your life to be married but to be young, beautiful and single, honey that only comes around once.

Photo Cred: Giphy.com, Essence.com